"The End"

I'm feeling a little nostalgic today.  It's probably "nothing," but I finished school yesterday, two of the kids are off at school in the throes of the "last days of the year," my freshman is taking his last two exams and will be done around noon, and my newly minted senior is upstairs asleep.  It made me think of my beloved Pooh Bear at the end of his many adventures....

The end of "Winnie the Pooh"

My student teaching is over, I graduated from the TAP program in good standing, my portfolio is done and approved, I have my teaching license in hand, I have worked full-time all year (unpaid in the fall, paid in the spring), I've prepped resumes, applied for teaching positions, had interviews, and been told others have been selected. My position in the computer lab has been cut so I have no job to go back to in the fall. I'm done with this year. Completed successfully. The End.

I loved this year. I loved classroom teaching. I loved learning how to do it "properly" and much better than before. I loved the training I received and the people I met along the way. I loved the school I worked and taught at. I loved the students. I loved my co-workers. Lest you think I wear rose-colored glasses, there were challenging times, difficult students, heart-breaking concerns to address, and personal and professional issues to resolve. But there is little I would change; I learned much and grew a lot and will miss it all.

A student came into the lab yesterday while I was wrapping up some grading for one of the French teachers. She was done w/her exams and I congratulated her on finishing the year and asked her how it felt to be a junior. She expressed what we all often feel - growing up is hard and she didn't want this year to end. We had a great conversation. We spoke of hope, and of positive growth, and of not really wanting things to be the same - but of fear and trepidation at what is new and unknown. She may "never want to leave high school," but nor would she really want to stay. You outgrow it - you change - and this can be for good. We talked about innocence and wisdom. We talked about progress and stagnation. We agreed that change is not in and of itself good or bad. And we also agreed it is often difficult. I shared several quotes (I've been collecting them). One relates to baseball. All progress is risk; you can't steal second if you keep a foot on first. (Corollary: If you stay on first, it's an automatic out when the next man up gets a base hit - a no win situation!) There are many life lessons in baseball. But I digress.

It's been a good year, but it has come to an end. It's time to regroup, to enjoy the summer, and to get some much needed work done around the house. There are boxes to be gone through, parents to help settle in, taxes to be completed, people to spend time with, much baseball to be played, children to help with assignments and jobs, and business tasks to accomplish. I'm unemployed - but I have plenty to do. And I'm far from lonely; I'm surrounded by a very beloved group of people, most notably my kids and husband. Not sure if this summer is me hanging out on the base and getting ready for the steal, or if it's me stepping off the base and taking the risk. We'll see; either way, the year is now complete, and it's been great. God has taken care of all our needs and I am going to choose to trust him with this next step. Meanwhile, it's time to go do the laundry. I will leave you with this thought from TS Eliot:

And to make an end is to make a beginning. 

The end is where we start from.

Certification

And today I was approved as a licensed educator in the state of Vermont.  :-)

Submission

Today was another big day.  I officially applied for licensure to teach French (grades 7-12) in the state of VT.  I am now officially able to say that my license is "pending".  Transcripts have been ordered, tests have been taken, fingerprints done (tho' might have to do those again), and all ducks in a row.  I need to upload a couple more supporting documents this weekend, but it's officially "in".

A graduation

Friday, April 1st, I officially graduated from the TAP program.  I'm not sure if my portfolio needs another reviewing or not, but either way, they've mailed out the letter to the state saying I've officially finished and am recommended for licensure.

It was a lovely time and I was very blessed to have my entire family in attendance.  My kids cheered, probably more because they have me back than because I am done, but either way is fine, since the two things go together.

Progression

I began tracking my portfolio progress on March 11th (the left most thermometer).  I finished on March 29th (the right most thermometer).  There was far more than just portfolio writing going on during that time too, including kids, work, home, doctor's appts, and the like.  That's 18 days.  Very full days.  Plus that's a lot of writing.  I am physically exhausted.  For the past 48 hours I've had trouble focusing and haven't felt well.  Last night, I managed to get the closing thoughts done.  What a relief.  Today there was tutoring and dinner and meetings... I keep wanting to move on and clean up the mess that is my house, do laundry, clean bathrooms, and work on my budgets and business income so I can get to my taxes (two weeks 'til those are due - another deadline!).  I can't think straight.  It is likely I'll have revisions to make, especially on the Part II sections.  But I'm done. I want to declare it here and now that I.AM.DONE.  Honestly, I don't like work like this.  But it is good for me and forces me to grow because of the thinking processes that it entails.  I'll share more about that later (like in several weeks, after the taxes are done) - maybe (not likely given my track record of past years but one can always hope).  Today I say thank you.  Thank you!  I appreciate you all.

The downhill stretch

The roller coaster has definitely crested the hill and begun its downward descent.

Today I was able to focus and completed the last two official sections of the portfolio.

After my reviewers read it, there will likely be some revisions and changes to make.
While I wait to hear from them, I will compose my "Closing thoughts and acknowledgments".
That is my work for tomorrow.

 That means it's largely done.  I guess I'm still running down the hill, but soon the coaster will come to a stop and I'll get off and it will be time to go to the next thing.

Thank you all for praying.  I so appreciate you!

Almost there!

So much I could say.  

But here is what matters: 

Today it's Easter.

Christ came to Earth to save sinners like me.

He was born, lived a sinless life, died unjustly - in my place - and rose again to give me new life.

Somehow this portfolio just doesn't compare.

Yet he has helped me to grow in so many ways through this process of teacher training,

and this portfolio has been a source of learning, just as the seminars and student teaching were.

As I've had to think through the things I needed to write about, I have synthesized

my learning and it has become much deeper and more personal.  

I am a better teacher,

and a better person,

because of this portfolio.

And I thank God for helping me through this process,

and for His work in me, which is not yet done.

He has used this to make me more like him, 

and I hope that as a teacher, I will bring honor and glory to him in all I do.

The details?  My second reader actually read what I had completed thus far today 

and I was able to make the tiny changes she requested, 

so I am DONE with the Intro, Part I, Part III, the Bibliography and half of Part II.

I have drafts of everything I have not yet finished.

I have turned in half of Part II Analysis (5 sections) 

and plan to turn in the rest tomorrow (5 more sections).

I hope to have the reflection and closing thoughts done tomorrow too, but if not, Tuesday for sure.

Thanks for praying!

Final stretch - I hope

Final portfolio stretch today - I hope. Woke up and wrote for an hour. Took a shower, Went to church.

†  Happy Easter!  †

Now home again and settling in (I hope).

• Need to draft 3 more subsections. 
• Then review 9 and submit as many as are ready. 
• Then draft one more section. 
• Go back and review and submit whatever needs reviewing and submitting. 
• Then one more round of "Whatever still needs reviewing, do it and submit it." 
• Then closing thoughts - draft, review, submit. .... 

Can it be done in what's left of today?

Please pray that it will. I'm sure going to try. I need this much done today if there is any possible way. And that is where focus and perseverance - which God alone can give me - will come in. Really needing Him to help me avoid the distractions that not only surround me but which are honestly "more important" and "why I'm doing this" in the first place They are real - and so is the need to get this done.... so that I can pay proper attention to them again. They need it. I need it. And I can only do it with His help. This is not something that is deep within me somewhere to be summoned up and applied to the situation - it is as far from my natural giftings as it gets. But God can do it, if it's what He wills. Please pray along those lines, and for contentment as well with whatever happens.

[After I submit everything, it will be read and reviewed by two readers, and then I'll need to respond to comments and make revisions after my readers give their input. So I'll still not be quite "done"... but that's not on today's plate.]

Note: the light at the end of the tunnel is definitely getting bigger. Hoping to come over the crest of the hill and begin the final descent by dinner time. Thanks for praying!!!!! ♥♫♪♪♫♥

A draft

No thermometer this evening.  Just a quick update.  I worked on all the subsections of Part II Analysis this afternoon/evening.  Several are very close to being ready to submit.  I still have a couple that are still at relatively early stages of the draft, but the way it all weaves together, the thinking is there and it will hopefully come quickly tomorrow.

Aiming for completed drafts of Analysis and Reflection for Part II tomorrow.
ALL of Part II turned in if possible, if not turn it all in on Monday.

The climb is not quite as steep, indicating we're approaching the crest of the upward climb ont he roller coaster.  The light is now visible way off in the distance.  And it's not a train.

Part III is mostly done

Today I finished the last of the changes and additions I needed to take care of for Part III of the portfolio.  So the big change is that Part III on the thermometer is now blue, except for the final part which will remain green until my 2nd reviewer has had chance to do so.  I also added one more source to the bibliography and turned that in this evening.

I have but the analysis of Part II to tackle and then the reflection for Part II (generally these are very straightforward) and the closing thoughts. I did turn in section 5.1 of the Analysis.  I am still struggling to write the other sections, even drafts, but tomorrow that is what's on my plate.  Time to churn those out!  I hope to have a draft of the entirety of Part II Analysis by tomorrow evening, and perhaps a couple ready to turn in.  That said, I do have a tendency to prefer to sleep on them one night before turning them in, so I won't be surprised if I'm not up to that tomorrow.

Please pray for proper balancing of time on this and time w/family.  It is Easter after all...  I don't want even the priority of this to make us "skip Easter".

Progressing again...

The changes are there.  Part I is done (except for 2nd review).  I have made most of the requested changes for the two sections in Part III.  I just need to finish with preparing that one piece of evidence and link it and comment on it (briefly) and then Part III is done.  Maybe an hour or two of work?

That will be done tomorrow for sure.

I am almost ready to turn in section 5.1.  Want to sleep on it, review, and submit tomorrow AM. Maybe 30 min?

5.2 is almost there (but not quite).  Maybe an hour?

My goal tomorrow is to get those things done and THEN to work on 6.1, 6.2, 6.3 the same way.

Maybe an hour per section?  

Maybe they'll be ready to finalize and submit, maybe almost and I'll review Sat AM and then submit.  We'll see how they look/feel this time tomorrow.

And I really should put some time into 7.1ff.  Even 10-20 min each would propel me forward

Persistence and Perseverence

I am struggling a little (ok, it's been a hard couple days - difficult to focus) and appreciate folks praying.  I think the long, hard, road has worn me out and the "final push" has taken a bit of a mental toll.

I am making headway.
I will not "finish" tomorrow.
It really is "ok" but we (my family and I) need me to finish as soon as I can.  We really do have other things we need to do as well.

I have received excellent feedback on Part III (last night and this morning) and while I definitely have a few things to add and fix, it looks good.

As for what I've done w/Part II (description and evidence), the news is really encouraging and warms my heart.  There was one comment on the description:  "Wow."  So I reread it to understand what was so "wow" (what is her definition of this).  I found spelling mistakes.  I guess I'm kind of perfectionistic.....  But it's good to know that not only is she pleased, but I have figured out what they're looking for.

Her comments on the evidence made me cry - happy crying.
Here is what she says:

1. 1.

2. I love your videos with annotations. Your honest self-assessments and insights show your reflective practice.
   03/24/16, 09:55 am

1. 2.

   can I share some of your videos with other teacher prep programs as we continue to calibrate our new level I portfolio?
   03/24/16, 10:02 am

My turn to say "Wow."  Who knew?  I was just doing what I was asked.

All this to say that I'm struggling to write the analysis section.  I don't know how to do it any differently than the way I do it.  I don't feel like I'm being particular - I'm honestly just writing what comes into my head and then looking up references in our texts that support it.  It's not like I'm trying to be super thorough, or reflective.  I am "doing what I'm told."  I'm taking a piece of evidence (a video for example) and then saying why it's evidence, and how it relates to what we've studied (as in when I say I wish I'd used XYZ technique - what book is that mentioned in...).  And when I say "here are the standards on which I based XYZ learning goal for the day" - I need to link the standards and then tie them into why I did the lesson plan that way.  Why do we need a goal?  Because best practice says it's a good idea.  (quote who says that).  Not exactly rocket science here.  Just time consuming, and I'm tired.  It's simply hard to say anything at all.  I feel like I'm not even able to babble about it, nevermind say anything coherent.

So please as you pray:
(a) thank God with me that what I'm doing is what they're looking for
(b) ask that I'd be content and encouraged by the feedback
(c) pray for perseverance - that I'd keep on going, even if slowly, do not stop.  One section at a time.  I feel like the Little Engine that Could or the Winter Warlock, needing to keep putting one foot in front of the other....  And it's hard.
(d) pray that I'd accomplish today's goals:  make requested changes/edits, add the missing evidence (that will take a while to type up and compile into something coherent), and then "finish" and submit analysis for parts 5.1 and 5.2 (that sounds manageable and gives me something that feels a little smaller to shoot for).

The last (long) climb

Turned in Part II Description today.

Tackling Part II Analysis.

I think this will take me at least until Thursday.  I'll post a thermometer tonight, but unless something unexpected happens tomorrow, I probably won't post until Thursday.

The news is good overall.  I'm getting there.  I worked on about half of the Analysis section - none are really complete drafts, but they're definitely drafts with concrete thoughts and notes for what to add and consider.  Need to consult the literature more and tie it to my evidence.

Want to get a couple sections done tomorrow if I can (maybe 5.1 and 5.2?).  But more importantly I want to have decent drafts of all ten and then spend Thursday elaborating, polishing, reviewing, and submitting.  It is realistic at this juncture to predict that by Thursday evening I should have at least 4/10 done.  I'd like to see that number higher.  Please do pray for focus, and stamina.  I can tell I'm getting weary and I need someone to hold up my arms (like Moses at the Red Sea)....

Slow but steady

I'm opting not to update the graphic tonight.  That's ok.  It's not necessary.

Today was more slow going, because there were other things that I needed to focus on.  For one, I taught a French class this afternoon (first in two weeks - couldn't put it off another week to finish this portfolio).  We watched a video clip for Green Eggs in Ham I found on the web (in French of course) and I prepped the text for them to read and practice for reciting next week dramatically as a group, each taking different roles.  I asked them why I would have them do this?  They observed that the text is chock full of object pronouns - which is what we reviewed last time we met.  I'm trying to take what they've learned and have them practice it in authentic situations (reading a great children's book - even if it is translated from the American).  So yes, I was lesson planning today.  Kind of off topic for my portfolio....

You ask why I share this?  Because the reason I'm pursuing this certification is to support what I'm doing on days like today.  This is why I'm getting certified.  I want to teach it better, especially to motivated kids who want to learn.  And we're having fun even as we prep them for yet one more standardized test.  Might as well enjoy learning French while you're at it, right?  So off they go to practice good pronunciation, quality grammar, and reflect on pronoun and verb use - while enjoying dear Sam I Am and friend.  And I'll go back to my portfolio.  Frankly, I needed the break from the intensity of the portfolio today.

It is said that I have completed Part I.  It has been reviewed by one of my supervisors.  It will be reviewed by another, I'll make any necessary changes, and it will be done.  So on my thermometer, I'll go "blue" except for the last part to indicate it's mostly done, but still waiting one more review to be done.

I have turned in Part III and am waiting for that to be reviewed.  First by one, then by another.  I'll update that as it happens.

I have finished the description for Part II which was harder than expected (but not that hard).  It just didn't flow easily and it was hard to work on it until after dinner this evening for the busyness of the day. I want to sleep on it and reread it one more time before submitting it, probably by midmorning tomorrow.  The evidence section has been turned in (I did change one piece in the last couple days for the better).  And I haven't really worked on the Analysis section much today.  But the deep reflection and contemplation I did engage in for the description behind the scenes will reap rewards in the remaining two sections.  The ideas are there - I have but to put them on paper.  It will take time, so my goals for tomorrow remain the same as today's though we are definitely closer to completing them after today's efforts.  

Bonne nuit mes chers lecteurs.  À demain.

A big day

Today I submitted the rest of Part III, drafted my closing thoughts (not a good draft mind you, but a start), and worked on the description of Part II.  It's not quite done, but it's a decent draft of more than half of it.  The progress on the thermometer was pretty big.  There are two pictures below.  The first is the daily update of the thermometer.  But I realized it was difficult to see the progress without being able to compare the thermometers side by side, so I created a graphic with just that, and it is very , very encouraging.  I expect that by the time I go to bed tomorrow night, I will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I will not be done with Part II Analysis, but I will be actively working on it and hope to have completed several sections.  That will be the final big hurdle.  The last reflection, making revisions, and the closing thoughts will be easily done after completing that last analysis section.  I can smell the fresh air, and I think the light is just around the bend.... Yes, I do think this roller coaster is nearing the top of the final ascent.

  

(from 3/11 to 3/20)

Writing again

Today, I write.

I began by discovering that a few comments had been made on my Part I Analysis.  I made one correction and rewrote two sections to tie my evidence and research together more directly.  It took a while, but it's done, and it helped me understand much better what is being looked for in the analysis sections.

This evening I discovered a comment that my Part I Reflection: "Beautiful self-reflection and plans for next steps."   That sure is encouraging.  No changes indicated.  I have taken that to mean it's done for the purposes of this thermometer.  (I did send an email to clarify). And at the very least, I know that I've got the right idea about what that section consists of. I'm not sure about Part I Analysis so I'll wait on updating that.  Somehow I doubt that part is done yet, but I did work on it for a couple hours today in response to the comments, so I'm hoping it's closing in on being done, at the very least.  

My focus for the rest of the day was on updating my computer files, making sure that everything was backed up appropriately, adding another document to my bibliography, and writing Part III Analysis and taking some initial (and very half-hearted) stabs at Part II Analysis.  Basically on those I just jotted down ideas.  At the moment, I have done 3 of the 5 Part III Analysis sections and plan to write a little more on the last two before heading to bed.  Finishing those and turning them in is the first thing on my agenda for tomorrow when I wake up (probably after six hours of sleep if my body clock keeps up its current schedule, no alarm needed).  I just like to sleep on them and reread them prior to turning them in, but those first three are all but done, and the last two are in decent shape.

The evidence is all in

At 11:58pm on 3/18/16, I finished linking all my evidence for Part II.

It's turned in.

I have worked on nothing but that the past three days.  It took that long.

I have watched, rewatched, selected, trimmed, and annotated videos for hours.

I have scanned pages upon pages of relevant documents during my lunch breaks at school,

I have edited and rewritten and annotated lesson plans, excercises, and more, and redacted names for privacy purposes.

And it's done.

The thermometer may not look like much, but that is a major piece done and from here it should move daily until we're done.  No one has reviewed what I've turned in for a couple weeks, and I'm hoping that will start happening soon as well so I can really finish what I've turned in.

Tomorrow I write.  Probably start w/brief analysis of Part II evidence while it's fresh in my head. Why did I pick each of these pieces of evidence anyway?  I think I have a good handle on it and great notes to help me remember!  That's what I was doing today.....  3 pieces of paper to organize my thoughts and select what went best where.  It felt like making a jigsaw puzzle without the picture.

That's probably what I'll do tomorrow morning.

Then I'll shift gears to focus on Part III - the analysis tomorrow afternoon.  I will try to actually complete a draft of that, and if the writing is going well, I'll turn it in!  If not, that will be for Sunday.

I'm hopeful of completing Part III completely by Sunday evening, and be more than halfway through Part II.  We'll see how it all goes.

Lord willing the end is in sight; this section was the biggest hurdle, and I knew it would be.  But I didn't think it would be that hard to get my mind around it or to come up with evidence I thought fit each section.  It was exhausting.  But it is looking good!  And with such clear thoughts about why I chose each piece of evidence, I am hoping the writing will be smooth sailing.

Thanks for sticking with me!  Please keep praying!  It must be said that there is no way I could do this without my family and their support.  And God has been my all in all.  He has guided us this far, he is sustaining us through the valleys, and he will bring us through to the other side if he so wills.  There is no way I could be here without him, his wisdom, his grace, and his love.  He has given me the best family, a great work situation, and a fabulous place to study and complete my internship.  They are tools in His hand to mold and shape me, and He is good and faithful.  Dormez bien.  A demain.

When the thermometer doesn't move....

Missing thermometer progress for 3/16 is not a cause for alarm.  Some days, things are just steady, or status quo, or the progress is very much in the behind the scenes work.  There was no measurable progress to share yesterday, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t work done or progress made.  I worked on selecting and compiling evidence for that last evidence section all day.  I worked hard for hours both at school (when I was able—it was pretty busy in the lab) and at home on this.  Most of the time was spent reviewing video footage.   

In this section, I have to include 3 videos of 5 min each (unedited, with annotations).  They’re supposed to be from the same class (French I) even if not the same day.  I have already selected one and it’s annotated and turned in.  It fits well where I put it.  The present need is to choose the remaining two videos and include them in appropriate locations to demonstrate the standard in question.  I actually don’t have many 5 min. (or longer) videos from which to choose in any of my classes, and  I have decided to use a video from French III for one of the two.  I took good notes on this one so that I can annotate it easily today and then turn it in.  So that one is selected.  But it could go in either of two places and I'm going to base that choice on what I come up with for my last one.  

I must use a French I video for my 3rd choice (no question about it given that I've already pushed it using one from French III).  That’s a stretch.  I only have two videos to work with for French I.  All the other videos are under 2 minutes.  Maybe I'll use one of them as well, but I'm not even going to consider that right now.  Here's what I have to work with: one 10 min video and one 50 min video.  The French I clip I already have chosen to use is from the 50 min video.  Unfortunately, these are not the best source of evidence for the portfolio.  They are videos I took in order to help me grade student presentations, so their purpose was not to film me instructing, and I'm really not using a lot of instructional strategies in them comparatively speaking.  They're mostly of my students presenting.  And those strategies I do use are scattered throughout (except for the segment I've already used - that one was 5 minutes of some pretty good interaction between the students and I).  

What this means is that I’m fishing a bit for my evidence.  I’m watching clips and taking notes on what I could point to if I chose this or that segment, what strategies I use, and what evidence I can find for the various standards I’m supposed to illustrate.  While I still as of bedtime last night wasn’t 100% sure, it was starting to come together and I had narrowed down my choices.  Progress was made, but nothing I could point to definitively for the thermometer.  And that’s ok. Thursday (today) is a brand new day for thinking this through and determining my final selection.  I plan to complete my evidence section tonight.  Perhaps I'll have time to work on other things as well, but if not, that's no loss.  The evidence section of each part of the portfolio is the foundation for all the writing for that part, and so getting this done makes the rest possible.  And having thought it through is the basis for all the writing.  It flows pretty easily from there. So here I go.  The lab is quiet (so far today) and I've accomplished several tasks and am ready to kick back, grab my popcorn (yes, really!), pencil and paper, and take more notes to finalize my choice.  

Working hard

Some days are long, very full, and you work all day, but you can't measure the progress.  Today was one of those days. Focussed on choosing and preparing evidence, but nothing I can submit or check off.  And that's ok. We're still getting there, slowly but surely.

Bonne nuit à toutes et à tous.  À demain.

Halfway there

Today was very productive and busy busy busy at work and home to boot.  I'm more than halfway there.  Part I is turned in, half of Part III is submitted, and I'm making headway on Part II.  Today I revisited my videos and got one done.  Feels good to have that done and to have refreshed my memory on how that works, from editing to uploading to embedding in the portfolio.  Will need two more, but hopefully, once I pick them, the editing/submitting part will be smooth.  The bibliography is all but done as well.  Keeping at it... While I can't yet see the finish line, I can now tell that it's coming up.  I'm in the "last hour of the climb" before reaching the summit, and then it's all downhill from there.  

Answered Prayer

I think it's hard for anyone but me to "see" the progress, but I was able to turn in Part I analysis late this evening.  The writing of the four sections I needed to do went well and the words flowed easily.  That is indeed an answer to prayer.  I was able to complete working on a few items for the Part II evidence section while as work, so while it may not seem like I did much, it was something, and I read through the criterion for each section again and should be able to turn in a few pieces of that section tomorrow since about 3 of the 10 are ready to turn in.  They won't be reviewed until they 're all there, but it's still items "off my plate" as they say even if piecemeal and of no use to anyone but me.   I hope tomorrow to complete Part I and try to both begin the analysis of Part III and make significant headway on the evidence section for Part II.  Those are not unrealistic goals. 

Thanks for praying.  It was a very challenging day (albeit a good one).  I was very "harried" a few times and confused about who had which car, where everyone needed to be and when, and what day it was (nevermind that it took me more than 30 min to fix my clock at work, even with a student helping try to troubleshoot - I really didn't know what time it was for some time this afternoon and went to lunch an hour after I thought I had!).  I am thankful for prayer to work it all out and found my emotions and my confused and tired brain much calmer and focused after dinner.  This was definitely the hand of God b/c that kind of focus doesn't come when I'm this tired.  

Slow Going

Today it was very slow going.  I got off to a good start and was able to submit my Description of Part III fairly quickly.  I then settled into working on the analysis of Part I.  I got two of the six sections of that done, not quickly, but by mid afternoon.  So far so good.  But as I "took a break" from writing to work on the evidence section for Part II, I realized I was going to be at a standstill as far as measurable progress went.  I had to reorganize my videos and photos from the fall and label them differently so that I could find them more easily.  I also had to look through them all to be better acquainted with what I actually had in hand to use.  The labeling and looking through photos took me until dinner, and then after dinner I spent most of the next three hours examining my video footage to get a better grasp of what I had to choose from.  The evidence section of Part II requires at least 3 sections of 5 minutes (each) of unedited video of my teaching.  And the footage needs to fit the descriptions of required evidence.  Once I select them and know which section they will be used for, I will need to clip them to the proper length and annotate them.  Thus even if I've selected them tomorrow, I doubt the preparation of them will be completed until Tuesday or even later.  My goals have shifted accordingly, and it's not really a surprise; it's just a lot of work and I couldn't write as much as I'd hoped this afternoon.  We'll see how much time I have to work on this tomorrow.  It's always hard to tell on weekdays how much time I will have as I juggle home and work.  For anyone reading this, please keep praying - and thank you!

Portfolio Progress - Update

I created this graphic last night to help me "see" what I needed to do and to measure progress visually.  It is clear now that I should have done it sooner (hindsight is 20/20) but I kept thinking it was "extra" and an unnecessary expenditure of time and energy.  Another distraction. That's actually what Patience said this morning when she saw it.  But not so.

Frankly, I have really been struggling to understand what I need to do, what's entailed in this portfolio, how is it organized, what is its objective (in the whole as well as each section), how do all the parts relate, what I have done, and what's next.  Checklists help but they weren't cutting it w/this big of a project in my current life of frequent (and necessary) interruption.   I just kept losing the threads.  I spent most of February just getting my head about the different sections, the questions I need to answer, and essentially what are the expectations from my supervisors.  Somehow I just couldn't figure out what it was I was doing and needed all that time to get my mind around it.  But I still couldn't see my way forward very well.

This graphic alone has helped and will encourage me.  It's already permitted me to both set goals and see progress in my rather overwhelmed state.  I am feeling far less overwhelmed after finally caving in and creating it last night. It was relatively quick too. Once I had the thermometer in place, and then each section (or step along the way) filled in, I was able to begin setting goals (my checklist - which is now manageable - and useful!).  The entire document, goals, and all were done in less than an hour.  You see,  I created not only the goals for the day that you can see in what I share with you, but in the document where this lives, I have actually created goals for the whole week, in bite size, logical chunks.  They may be ambitious, but they now exist in a way that actually is accessible for me.  And the color coded thermometer - and the progress on it - lets me know that even if I'm just "chipping away" and not meeting my goals for the day that I'm making measurable progress!

So thanks for praying, encouraging, and otherwise just coming alongside me for the final climb of this fast and furious roller coaster ride.  This last uphill climb is hard and it is slow, especially compared to the rest of the adventure.  Hopefully I won't get stuck for any length of time.

Portfolio Progress

Until it is done, I will update my portfolio progress on this site so my cheerleading squad can get to work.  Honestly, I really need you guys!  (But please don't call - I need to focus and get it done. Interruptions are really hard!)  I'm aiming to finish my portfolio (a complete draft anyway) by next weekend, hopefully Friday, and polish as it gets reviewed en route.  That could be ambitious, but I need to be radical and get it done so my family can have me back sooner vs. later.  I'm almost done with my certification.  All that remains is the official paperwork and this portfolio.  So here we go - I'm almost there!!!

Learning to take risks

I have been reading about gender differences lately and am struck by the notion that brain research has determined that boys and girls actually are hardwired differently when it comes to taking risks.  Even accounting for differences in  birth order, personality, and the like, boys generally find risk-taking positive, and girls find it negative.  Learned helplessness can be an issue for both, but can often be seen culturally in regards to girls.  What do I mean by that?  That our culture tends to encourage girls to be wary of taking risks, and our culture tends to encourage boys to take risks.  Frankly the brain studies suggest we should be doing the opposite, at least to some degree.  Boys need to be encouraged to take more thoughtful and calculated risks (as in "think before you act" - or "don't just follow the monkey in front of you").  The pack mentality is very strong with boys and often results in a failure to think AT ALL.  Risk-taking is admired and praised for boys, even when it results in failure, and they tend to be motivated by it and seek the adrenaline (positive) rush that comes from it.

Girls on the other hand tend to respond to other girls taking risks very negatively (vs. the positive feedback the boys get).  Rather than an adrenaline rush, the physiological response tends towards nausea.  When a girl sees another girl take a risk, she does NOT tend to admire her or respect her.  If that risk leads to failure, the criticism and rejection can be strong indeed, and the risk-taker is viewed not as a hero (for trying as the boys would do) but as a fool.  Yet risk-taking is necessary, especially when it comes to learning.  Like the boys, girls need to learn to take appropriate risks - but the issue isn't whether or not they think first.  It's more relational, and about letting them know it's ok to fail and helping them persevere.  Trying is important.  Learning from mistakes and getting back on the horse is a necessity - not an option.

I bring this up because it's been a fabulous year for all of us learning to take risks.  So many things have been new - for all of us.  From my teaching, to Papa Bear's job, to the kids new schools, new classes, new teams and opportunities, and new challenges and hurdles.  Papa Bear and I have worked hard to stay with the kids, to come alongside them, to help them anticipate hurdles and prepare, to talk to them about their successes and failures as they're going thru the steps, to let them show us and share with us their learning, trying, mistakes, and lessons.  For one it was trying out for a sports team.  For another it was going away for a weekend.  One "disappeared" one afternoon after school and no one knew where they were (that was NOT fun....).  Another took a calculated risk and was surprised by success.  It has not been failure-free; there have been many mistakes.  We've had lessons in how to communicate w/mom about where we can (and can't) go after school.  We've gotten sick, we've missed appointments, we've taken wrong turns, turned in late assignments, and been told we weren't liked.  But we've also made deadlines, finished work, made teams, been chosen, and grown a lot.  Risks are needed.  How we come alongside, the correction we need, the kind of encouragement we benefit from, and the necessary lessons vary by person, personality, and gender.  And we're learning a ton.  Our most resistant child to change has had the most positive growth of us all.  This child's transition to a new school was accompanied by fear - a lot of fear.  But the risks have been rewarded, time and time again, with a deep and abiding understanding that God is good, this transition is from his hand, and that he can be trusted to provide, even when it's not all "to order."  This child has blossomed in this time of transition, and change is no longer an enemy to be feared and avoided at all costs.

I am thankful for some terrific growth in each and every one of our family members, from Papa Bear and I on down this past year.  New can be hard.  Transition can hurt.  Change can be difficult, and isn't always for the best, but it can and does often result in true and lasting improvement.  And growth - change in a positive direction - is good.  Thoughtful risk-taking for growth - that is my aim for this year.

Vacation Week

The kids and I are on vacation this week.  What this usually means in our is is something along the following lines:

• If you've been sick, rest and get better.
• If you're not sick or haven't been recently, now's a good time to do so.
• If there's snow, go play in it.
• If there's no snow, and it's cold, do a lot of indoor play (legos, baking, screens, reading) and be sure to complain loudly.
• If there's no snow and it's not particularly cold, play outside and complain that there's no snow.

It's a "no snow" year and at the moment, not particularly cold.  In fact, it's been rainy which is a real pain b/c the yard is either a lake or a mudpit.  Lots of laundry when Vivace is getting his energy out. I think it's going to be colder the next few days (as in below freezing, but not cold) and hopefully we'll squeeze an inch or so out of the sky to cover the mud and give us something to do besides get hurt on the frozen mud.  

What this vacation is bringing (or has brought thus far) is along these lines:

• See above for appropriate response to the weather
• A "ski" day for the high schoolers w/the youth group (tomorrow - thankful that it's cold enough that they can make snow to cover a few of the rocks... but they have access to the resort amenities including pool, hot tub, and game room w/pool and ping pong tables, etc)
• Catching up with the house stuff (laundry, cleaning,...)
• College visits (yes, the fun begins)
• Movies (Papa Bear recently discovered "Vid-Angel" - an online rental service that you can "program" to cut out certain words etc. So far we've liked what we've seen and it's allowed us to include the whole family in some viewing we otherwise would have been uncomfortable with - and avoided - for more mature themes and crude language)
• Cooking (so far muffins and curry - probably bread, turkey, pie, and cookies to come) 
• Patience will be taking her driving test - yes, we may have another licensed driver in the house this week!
• Dates (of several varieties)
• Computer make-overs (Papa Bear is upgrading our main computer's hard drive and we're figuring out some software needs).
• Classes (Patience has to take CPR/First Aid, there's at least one piano lesson, and I'm teaching French several times - at least one group twice, and at least one individual, maybe two depending on how the schedule allows with their travelling)
• Homework - Andante has a science project he needs to chip away at, Patience has an online course that doesn't take a vacation plus work for a couple of her classes, and I continue to plug away at my portfolio - which is what I will be spending most of the week doing, hopefully finishing at least one section of three, and making solid inroads on the other two.
• A birthday!
• Shopping for two birthdays and other various needs
• At least one doctors appt
• Voting (we go back to our various schools next Wed, 3/2, so the local Town meeting and voting are all while we're on break)
• Games and puzzles!

Silence is sometimes very full

Good morning world (actually afternoon).  It's been many months of no writing.  But we are still here.  The months and weeks have been full to overflowing with children and adults growing up, growing wiser, changing jobs, trying new things, finishing schools, starting classes, and new schools and so much more.

In a nutshell, Grandpa (my dad) almost died shortly after my last post (April - see "Note" below).  We spent the better part of May and June visiting between NJ and VT and my sister and her family the same from MA.  It was stressful.  And he lived.  Still alive and after several other unforeseen circumstances, he and my mom are home (still in NJ) and in their house again after physical therapy and a bazillion other detours.  Three of my beloved children completed their time at their respective schools and "graduated" to the next level and school.  Papa Bear closed out his tenure of 21.5 years of writing software for a small, niche-market special education company and began working as a database analyst for a local company that does business nationwide and which is growing and promises to be a stable firm for the foreseeable future.  I am six months into my roughly eight month teacher certification program; I've completed my coursework, successfully completed my student teaching internship, and have only the portfolio to do to receive my license.  Everyone's settled in their new schools and the year is going great.  Transition is an understatement, and it's been hard, but good is the word for the day (year).

Hopefully we'll find (make?) time to fill in a few blanks over the coming weeks and months but if not, at least I'll try to post a bit from this point forward.

Here are events or ideas that I may elaborate or reflect upon, as opportunity allows.  And if not, just ask me when we are next in contact  with each other.

- Transition (the approach to, how we have handled it...)
- Where did our winter go? (Snow envy)
- Jobs (the nature of ... the work environment.... the colleagues . . .. what is a good job anyway?.... teens and adults)
- Maturity (what is it, how do you get it, etc)
- Perseverance
- Taking risks
- Musical endeavors
- Athletes in the family
- Growing up
- Steps to becoming independent
- Diabetes: as much as it is 24/7/365, it does not define you
- Teaching (it's in the blood, it's overwhelming, it can suck the life out of you, it is everything I ever wanted to be and do, it's all I've ever done, it's all about the students, it's always been about learning - whatever the topic, curiosity is amazing, it's hard to get up in the morning, how DO you engage them when they don't want to be engaged, character and integrity are central, the habits are more important than the knowledge, French and math are just the means, there is so much to learn!, working in a public school, the system, the work environment, one's colleagues, and I can't believe it took me this long to get around to getting certified)
- Patience
- The importance of relationship(s)
- Faith in action, wherever we are, whatever happens

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NOTE:  I wrote this and THEN added the photos you see for Oct & Dec - they didn't really fit into this theme and it was best to back date them from when they DID happen - more or less.... but that made my comment about my "last post" above confusing.  I wrote/posted nothing for about 10 months.  It's been crazy busy.  But I'm glad to have added - if late - the handful of photos from apple picking and Christmas, since folks like to see "current" photos of the family.  Les Voilà.  Most likely any other items I'll just add with the actual posting dates vs. the happening dates, but those seemed reasonable and appropriate.  Happy February!