Learning to take risks

I have been reading about gender differences lately and am struck by the notion that brain research has determined that boys and girls actually are hardwired differently when it comes to taking risks.  Even accounting for differences in  birth order, personality, and the like, boys generally find risk-taking positive, and girls find it negative.  Learned helplessness can be an issue for both, but can often be seen culturally in regards to girls.  What do I mean by that?  That our culture tends to encourage girls to be wary of taking risks, and our culture tends to encourage boys to take risks.  Frankly the brain studies suggest we should be doing the opposite, at least to some degree.  Boys need to be encouraged to take more thoughtful and calculated risks (as in "think before you act" - or "don't just follow the monkey in front of you").  The pack mentality is very strong with boys and often results in a failure to think AT ALL.  Risk-taking is admired and praised for boys, even when it results in failure, and they tend to be motivated by it and seek the adrenaline (positive) rush that comes from it.

Girls on the other hand tend to respond to other girls taking risks very negatively (vs. the positive feedback the boys get).  Rather than an adrenaline rush, the physiological response tends towards nausea.  When a girl sees another girl take a risk, she does NOT tend to admire her or respect her.  If that risk leads to failure, the criticism and rejection can be strong indeed, and the risk-taker is viewed not as a hero (for trying as the boys would do) but as a fool.  Yet risk-taking is necessary, especially when it comes to learning.  Like the boys, girls need to learn to take appropriate risks - but the issue isn't whether or not they think first.  It's more relational, and about letting them know it's ok to fail and helping them persevere.  Trying is important.  Learning from mistakes and getting back on the horse is a necessity - not an option.

I bring this up because it's been a fabulous year for all of us learning to take risks.  So many things have been new - for all of us.  From my teaching, to Papa Bear's job, to the kids new schools, new classes, new teams and opportunities, and new challenges and hurdles.  Papa Bear and I have worked hard to stay with the kids, to come alongside them, to help them anticipate hurdles and prepare, to talk to them about their successes and failures as they're going thru the steps, to let them show us and share with us their learning, trying, mistakes, and lessons.  For one it was trying out for a sports team.  For another it was going away for a weekend.  One "disappeared" one afternoon after school and no one knew where they were (that was NOT fun....).  Another took a calculated risk and was surprised by success.  It has not been failure-free; there have been many mistakes.  We've had lessons in how to communicate w/mom about where we can (and can't) go after school.  We've gotten sick, we've missed appointments, we've taken wrong turns, turned in late assignments, and been told we weren't liked.  But we've also made deadlines, finished work, made teams, been chosen, and grown a lot.  Risks are needed.  How we come alongside, the correction we need, the kind of encouragement we benefit from, and the necessary lessons vary by person, personality, and gender.  And we're learning a ton.  Our most resistant child to change has had the most positive growth of us all.  This child's transition to a new school was accompanied by fear - a lot of fear.  But the risks have been rewarded, time and time again, with a deep and abiding understanding that God is good, this transition is from his hand, and that he can be trusted to provide, even when it's not all "to order."  This child has blossomed in this time of transition, and change is no longer an enemy to be feared and avoided at all costs.

I am thankful for some terrific growth in each and every one of our family members, from Papa Bear and I on down this past year.  New can be hard.  Transition can hurt.  Change can be difficult, and isn't always for the best, but it can and does often result in true and lasting improvement.  And growth - change in a positive direction - is good.  Thoughtful risk-taking for growth - that is my aim for this year.