Fragmented Lives

Those of you who know me, know that I struggle w/how to balance every thing, every one, every whatever I come across. I so want "one life" - an unfragmented life, where all that I do is "unified" whatever I mean by that. I don't want to have my "home", my "church", my "school", my "play", etc. all be so separate. How many "me's" are there? I'm still me in all of the places I go, and in all of the things I do, and while I know different contexts bring out different aspects, perspectives, strengths and weaknesses, I hate the fragmentation that I don't believe is necessarily a part of that. But I don't always know how to act, progress, unify, defragment, etc.

I find (in a related way) the concept of homeschooling my kids very appealing. We've always been homeschoolers at heart, probably because of this whole vs. fragmented life mentality in my case. While our kids are in the school system, we are engaged with them and with the schools, we know at least to some degree what goes on at each level and in each classroom, and we are participants in our community. We more or less "homeschool" our public school children, interacting with them and what they're learning and thinking and doing pretty much all the time, as we go about our lives. Granted with four kids, we miss a lot, but on the whole, we're in this together.

But I grieve the time they're not at home, where we're not part of the discovery, the learning, the exploring, and both not directing it nor watching them run with it. For this I long for the day when truly homeschooling may happen (vs. sending them off to another place for 7-8 hours a day). Some of you may think I'm crazy, but I like the way this mom put it if you want to read why she homeschools. I think I would do it for much the same reasons. It would be challenging, but boy would it be fun. And I do indeed think that it would lead to a more whole life than that which we currently lead.

John Jay

As a child, I lived for a number of years near a high school named after "some famous guy" named John Jay. Honestly, I never knew anything about "John Jay" nor did I really care at the time. That said, years later, it must be said that I do like history and learning about famous people and so an article I saw earlier today in a magazine I was reading caught my eye. "John Jay: An American Wilberforce?"

Cool. I like Wilberforce and have read about him. This John Jay guy must be interesting too!

So I read the article. Very nice. I have decided I'd like to learn more about this Mr. John Jay, apparently a contemporary of Wilberforce, and a Chief Justice of the US in its infancy.

Here is a quote of his, as found in the article with some context. I loved it particularly because it reiterates a lesson I'm currently learning - that is to trust my sovereign God to take care of His business. My job is to follow His lead - He'll accomplish what He has set out to do.

"In 1785, while serving as the Secretary of Foreign Affairs for the Confederation Congress, Jay lobbied in New York State for gradual abolition of slavery, but a bill passed by both the Assembly and Senate was vetoed. To console himself, he wrote: '[all that wise and good men can do is] to persevere indoing their duty to their country and leave the consequences to him who made men only; neither elated by success, however great, nor discouraged by disappointments however frequent or mortifying.'"