Fragmented Lives

Those of you who know me, know that I struggle w/how to balance every thing, every one, every whatever I come across. I so want "one life" - an unfragmented life, where all that I do is "unified" whatever I mean by that. I don't want to have my "home", my "church", my "school", my "play", etc. all be so separate. How many "me's" are there? I'm still me in all of the places I go, and in all of the things I do, and while I know different contexts bring out different aspects, perspectives, strengths and weaknesses, I hate the fragmentation that I don't believe is necessarily a part of that. But I don't always know how to act, progress, unify, defragment, etc.

I find (in a related way) the concept of homeschooling my kids very appealing. We've always been homeschoolers at heart, probably because of this whole vs. fragmented life mentality in my case. While our kids are in the school system, we are engaged with them and with the schools, we know at least to some degree what goes on at each level and in each classroom, and we are participants in our community. We more or less "homeschool" our public school children, interacting with them and what they're learning and thinking and doing pretty much all the time, as we go about our lives. Granted with four kids, we miss a lot, but on the whole, we're in this together.

But I grieve the time they're not at home, where we're not part of the discovery, the learning, the exploring, and both not directing it nor watching them run with it. For this I long for the day when truly homeschooling may happen (vs. sending them off to another place for 7-8 hours a day). Some of you may think I'm crazy, but I like the way this mom put it if you want to read why she homeschools. I think I would do it for much the same reasons. It would be challenging, but boy would it be fun. And I do indeed think that it would lead to a more whole life than that which we currently lead.