Learning to take risks

I have been reading about gender differences lately and am struck by the notion that brain research has determined that boys and girls actually are hardwired differently when it comes to taking risks.  Even accounting for differences in  birth order, personality, and the like, boys generally find risk-taking positive, and girls find it negative.  Learned helplessness can be an issue for both, but can often be seen culturally in regards to girls.  What do I mean by that?  That our culture tends to encourage girls to be wary of taking risks, and our culture tends to encourage boys to take risks.  Frankly the brain studies suggest we should be doing the opposite, at least to some degree.  Boys need to be encouraged to take more thoughtful and calculated risks (as in "think before you act" - or "don't just follow the monkey in front of you").  The pack mentality is very strong with boys and often results in a failure to think AT ALL.  Risk-taking is admired and praised for boys, even when it results in failure, and they tend to be motivated by it and seek the adrenaline (positive) rush that comes from it.

Girls on the other hand tend to respond to other girls taking risks very negatively (vs. the positive feedback the boys get).  Rather than an adrenaline rush, the physiological response tends towards nausea.  When a girl sees another girl take a risk, she does NOT tend to admire her or respect her.  If that risk leads to failure, the criticism and rejection can be strong indeed, and the risk-taker is viewed not as a hero (for trying as the boys would do) but as a fool.  Yet risk-taking is necessary, especially when it comes to learning.  Like the boys, girls need to learn to take appropriate risks - but the issue isn't whether or not they think first.  It's more relational, and about letting them know it's ok to fail and helping them persevere.  Trying is important.  Learning from mistakes and getting back on the horse is a necessity - not an option.

I bring this up because it's been a fabulous year for all of us learning to take risks.  So many things have been new - for all of us.  From my teaching, to Papa Bear's job, to the kids new schools, new classes, new teams and opportunities, and new challenges and hurdles.  Papa Bear and I have worked hard to stay with the kids, to come alongside them, to help them anticipate hurdles and prepare, to talk to them about their successes and failures as they're going thru the steps, to let them show us and share with us their learning, trying, mistakes, and lessons.  For one it was trying out for a sports team.  For another it was going away for a weekend.  One "disappeared" one afternoon after school and no one knew where they were (that was NOT fun....).  Another took a calculated risk and was surprised by success.  It has not been failure-free; there have been many mistakes.  We've had lessons in how to communicate w/mom about where we can (and can't) go after school.  We've gotten sick, we've missed appointments, we've taken wrong turns, turned in late assignments, and been told we weren't liked.  But we've also made deadlines, finished work, made teams, been chosen, and grown a lot.  Risks are needed.  How we come alongside, the correction we need, the kind of encouragement we benefit from, and the necessary lessons vary by person, personality, and gender.  And we're learning a ton.  Our most resistant child to change has had the most positive growth of us all.  This child's transition to a new school was accompanied by fear - a lot of fear.  But the risks have been rewarded, time and time again, with a deep and abiding understanding that God is good, this transition is from his hand, and that he can be trusted to provide, even when it's not all "to order."  This child has blossomed in this time of transition, and change is no longer an enemy to be feared and avoided at all costs.

I am thankful for some terrific growth in each and every one of our family members, from Papa Bear and I on down this past year.  New can be hard.  Transition can hurt.  Change can be difficult, and isn't always for the best, but it can and does often result in true and lasting improvement.  And growth - change in a positive direction - is good.  Thoughtful risk-taking for growth - that is my aim for this year.

Vacation Week

The kids and I are on vacation this week.  What this usually means in our is is something along the following lines:

• If you've been sick, rest and get better.
• If you're not sick or haven't been recently, now's a good time to do so.
• If there's snow, go play in it.
• If there's no snow, and it's cold, do a lot of indoor play (legos, baking, screens, reading) and be sure to complain loudly.
• If there's no snow and it's not particularly cold, play outside and complain that there's no snow.

It's a "no snow" year and at the moment, not particularly cold.  In fact, it's been rainy which is a real pain b/c the yard is either a lake or a mudpit.  Lots of laundry when Vivace is getting his energy out. I think it's going to be colder the next few days (as in below freezing, but not cold) and hopefully we'll squeeze an inch or so out of the sky to cover the mud and give us something to do besides get hurt on the frozen mud.  

What this vacation is bringing (or has brought thus far) is along these lines:

• See above for appropriate response to the weather
• A "ski" day for the high schoolers w/the youth group (tomorrow - thankful that it's cold enough that they can make snow to cover a few of the rocks... but they have access to the resort amenities including pool, hot tub, and game room w/pool and ping pong tables, etc)
• Catching up with the house stuff (laundry, cleaning,...)
• College visits (yes, the fun begins)
• Movies (Papa Bear recently discovered "Vid-Angel" - an online rental service that you can "program" to cut out certain words etc. So far we've liked what we've seen and it's allowed us to include the whole family in some viewing we otherwise would have been uncomfortable with - and avoided - for more mature themes and crude language)
• Cooking (so far muffins and curry - probably bread, turkey, pie, and cookies to come) 
• Patience will be taking her driving test - yes, we may have another licensed driver in the house this week!
• Dates (of several varieties)
• Computer make-overs (Papa Bear is upgrading our main computer's hard drive and we're figuring out some software needs).
• Classes (Patience has to take CPR/First Aid, there's at least one piano lesson, and I'm teaching French several times - at least one group twice, and at least one individual, maybe two depending on how the schedule allows with their travelling)
• Homework - Andante has a science project he needs to chip away at, Patience has an online course that doesn't take a vacation plus work for a couple of her classes, and I continue to plug away at my portfolio - which is what I will be spending most of the week doing, hopefully finishing at least one section of three, and making solid inroads on the other two.
• A birthday!
• Shopping for two birthdays and other various needs
• At least one doctors appt
• Voting (we go back to our various schools next Wed, 3/2, so the local Town meeting and voting are all while we're on break)
• Games and puzzles!

Silence is sometimes very full

Good morning world (actually afternoon).  It's been many months of no writing.  But we are still here.  The months and weeks have been full to overflowing with children and adults growing up, growing wiser, changing jobs, trying new things, finishing schools, starting classes, and new schools and so much more.

In a nutshell, Grandpa (my dad) almost died shortly after my last post (April - see "Note" below).  We spent the better part of May and June visiting between NJ and VT and my sister and her family the same from MA.  It was stressful.  And he lived.  Still alive and after several other unforeseen circumstances, he and my mom are home (still in NJ) and in their house again after physical therapy and a bazillion other detours.  Three of my beloved children completed their time at their respective schools and "graduated" to the next level and school.  Papa Bear closed out his tenure of 21.5 years of writing software for a small, niche-market special education company and began working as a database analyst for a local company that does business nationwide and which is growing and promises to be a stable firm for the foreseeable future.  I am six months into my roughly eight month teacher certification program; I've completed my coursework, successfully completed my student teaching internship, and have only the portfolio to do to receive my license.  Everyone's settled in their new schools and the year is going great.  Transition is an understatement, and it's been hard, but good is the word for the day (year).

Hopefully we'll find (make?) time to fill in a few blanks over the coming weeks and months but if not, at least I'll try to post a bit from this point forward.

Here are events or ideas that I may elaborate or reflect upon, as opportunity allows.  And if not, just ask me when we are next in contact  with each other.

- Transition (the approach to, how we have handled it...)
- Where did our winter go? (Snow envy)
- Jobs (the nature of ... the work environment.... the colleagues . . .. what is a good job anyway?.... teens and adults)
- Maturity (what is it, how do you get it, etc)
- Perseverance
- Taking risks
- Musical endeavors
- Athletes in the family
- Growing up
- Steps to becoming independent
- Diabetes: as much as it is 24/7/365, it does not define you
- Teaching (it's in the blood, it's overwhelming, it can suck the life out of you, it is everything I ever wanted to be and do, it's all I've ever done, it's all about the students, it's always been about learning - whatever the topic, curiosity is amazing, it's hard to get up in the morning, how DO you engage them when they don't want to be engaged, character and integrity are central, the habits are more important than the knowledge, French and math are just the means, there is so much to learn!, working in a public school, the system, the work environment, one's colleagues, and I can't believe it took me this long to get around to getting certified)
- Patience
- The importance of relationship(s)
- Faith in action, wherever we are, whatever happens

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NOTE:  I wrote this and THEN added the photos you see for Oct & Dec - they didn't really fit into this theme and it was best to back date them from when they DID happen - more or less.... but that made my comment about my "last post" above confusing.  I wrote/posted nothing for about 10 months.  It's been crazy busy.  But I'm glad to have added - if late - the handful of photos from apple picking and Christmas, since folks like to see "current" photos of the family.  Les Voilà.  Most likely any other items I'll just add with the actual posting dates vs. the happening dates, but those seemed reasonable and appropriate.  Happy February!