That indeed is the question. It's an impossible task. As I write, I'm sitting in our family's time share which we've had for more than 35 years. It's been a wonderful week to get away and celebrate Christmas, with great weather and lots of sun.... but today is wet and dreary. There is a winter storm warning with freezing rain and over a half inch of ice accumulated on literally everything. As the temperature slowly rises, the rain continues to fall and the ice covering every surface will slowly melt away. And the winds are picking up. The grey clouds are speeding on by, and a few brave souls are chipping ice off their cars or walking by, presumably with a destination in mind. Life is like this. There are ups and downs, sunny days and rainy ones, sometimes in balance and sometimes in excess, windy days (with potential power outages), beauty and sorrow, warnings and storms, glory and light, hard work and relaxing moments, all intertwined.
The past five years have been a blur. The kids have grown older, and apparently Papa Bear and I have as well. Two have graduated and moved on and out, two still reside with us officially, but are in college and rarely at home. Vivace turned 20 and we are no longer parents of teenagers. Papa Bear is talking about retirement (though it's still years away). I'm happily teaching, but that home/work balance is still elusive. I do less work at home than I used to - usually - but it's always on my mind. Many of my students struggle with real and imagined needs. Some of those needs are significant, like homelessness, a parent deployed or in prison, immigration status, death, and more. Some in our extended family struggle with similar things. Our dreams are sometimes realized, like my trip to France with Constance the summer of 2023. (This French teacher finally saw the Eiffel Tower with her own eyes!) But more often it seems they are buried in the dullness of daily life and potentially forgotten.
Visiting Paris was definitely on my so-called bucket list, but it was the time with my daughter that truly fulfilled my dream. Together, we plotted and planned, spoke and listened and learned, shopped and cooked and ate and cleaned up. We had adventures, saw new things, problem-solved, laughed and shared our thoughts. We were tired and got grumpy. We laughed and cooked and made memories. We took time and space apart as well, which helped keep it from becoming too much time together. It was a gift. Being able to do something I really wanted to do and having someone to share it with was the dream realized.
I think that as I've grown older, and as I'm learning what really matters to me, my dreams are taking on new forms to reflect that. They are seemingly more general in nature, as in dreaming of time together for the holidays rather than going somewhere or doing something in particular. In some ways, they're bigger even if less specific. And I increasingly delight in dreary, quiet days like today. These are now part of my dreams. I cherish moments to stare out the window and watch the clouds go by and the roof drip. To watch tree branches bend under the weight of ice and bow and pause and wonder. And consider the impossibility of summarizing five years and leave it at that. Suffice it to say they have been a gift.9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.
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